The Triple Life Conundrum

Well after about 5 weeks of school I am finally adjusting to living a triple life. The insanity of trying to be a full time student, soldier in training, and NCAA athlete is beginning to become routine and I have been able to take a couple deep breaths whenever I get the chance. I don't know how I'm doing it, but everything seems to be working itself out perfectly. It like God knows what he's doing or something. Funny how that works. I mean, everyday is packed with stuff from daylight to midnight and so far I've only missed two meetings which sounds serious but considering I couldn't have gone anyway is rather remarkable. For example, on wed. I have a 7am bible study with some guys from Hill, class from 9:30 till 3, then CC practice till 5-5:30, then small group at 6:30-8, then Group (a student led on campus worship service) from 8:30 to 9:30 or 10, then another small group at 10-11 and then bed and then wake up thursday morning at 5am for ROTC! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love everything that I am involved with right now and I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm just amazed that God is giving me the strength each day to not only do all of those scheduled things, but still have time to chill with people on my floor, grab some awesome food at Gwinn, do homework, read the newspaper, play some viola or guitar, spend time in the word, and everything else. I truly am blessed to be so alive and in such a place in life where I can soak up so many different aspects of life at once. Considering all that I should probably have titled this the triple life blessing instead.

Crash song

I wrote this within a week after my accident using pieces of memory that came back to me. I have definitely moved on from the sadness of this song but I'm posting it because it was such an important part of my recovery.

I close my eyes
and all I see
is the screaming and the swerving
and her green eyes, looking at me

I think I say
it’ll be ok
we’ll be fine and live to dance another day
we’ll be fine and live to dance another day

The car is rolling
I can’t see a thing
but I came to when we landed
and I’m pulling on the seatbelt frantically

There’s a man outside
and I’m calling to him
I’m trying desperately to save her
but it’s all a blur
and it’s all a blur

I’m sitting in the grass
trying to avoid the glass
but the knats are getting thicker and the lights are getting closer
as we stand

I ask for her
over again
she’s the queen of england
with that collar on her neck
she’s the queen of england
with that collar on her neck

And now she’s wincing in pain
as he cleans her wounds
and I am watching from a chair
across the room
I am watching from a chair
across the room

I’m not on drugs
but I wish I was
I’m so jealous of the morphine in her arm
I’m so jealous of the morphine in her arm

as the tears fall down
and it’s all a blur
I grab your hand and start to pray hard
cause I can see it in your eyes that it still hurts

People come in
there’s a drink in my hand
it had a cherry at the bottom
and I’m talking like I don’t know
what’s going on

But it’s all ok
at least that’s what they say
The man with tats is just the cutest
and he asks us lot of questions
to calm us down

And now I’m saying good bye
and it seems so short
we escaped with our hearts beating
even more
we escaped with our hearts beating
even more

and as you turn to leave
and your head dips in the car
It takes a moment in my mind
to remember who you are
I take a moment in my mind
to remember who you are

I close my eyes
and all I see
is the screaming and the swerving
and her green eyes, looking at me

"life is a war fought with tears"

"life is a war fought with tears." In my whole life I haven't wept more than I have in the past two months. In my whole life I haven't woken up in the middle of the night with a puddle on my pillow and nightmarish images of a car rolling over and over flashing through my mind as I have in the past two months. It's like my soul feels the sorrow of a tragedy unresolved in it's subconscious, only realizing it when I close my eyes and relive the pain of that day.
It's not as though I've been crippled and my whole world is upside down. It's more that when I was upside-down in that CRV I saw my life from that position. I realized where my point of convergence really was and realized what is paramount is my saviour.
So I am still fighting the war with as many tears as I can, but at some point they are gonna have to stop and I'm gonna have to reconcile all of this. hopefully I can bust out with a roar, a growl so deep that the ground around me shakes and the mountains echo the unquenching love of life that comes from the father. Only then will will my life be truly Legitopotomous.